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Sometimes you don't know the complete story. Sometimes most of the variables are missing. Sometimes a person may not really be who you think they are. Sometimes a person may have lived a life totally different than what you imagined. Sometimes you will never understand me. Sometimes nobody will. Sometimes I have felt life to be unbearably difficult. Pressure is what makes a beautiful diamond right? No pressure is what makes the cracked graphite at the bottom of the cave. My struggle is one you may never understand. My music is one you may never like. My qualities are some that may or may not enjoy. What is the point sometimes? Sometimes I may seem erroneous.

This was written because my last few weeks have felt somewhat difficult in all aspects. Physically, mentally, and  emotionally. AP tests aren't even stressing me out all that much, just a combination of a variety things.

Feeling

                I sit and wait under these fluorescent light bulbs for a verdict of my future. This trial is an unjust representation of myself. I feel as I am more human than the person conducting this cruel trial and in some aspects my faults are what make me even more human. The qualities of a robot are the qualities they are lacking. Lacking of feeling, emotion, tone, empathy, love, sadness, and countless more, are what makes a machine the cold and electric calculator it is. I on the other hand have thoughts and feelings that make me a unique individual. I can show affection for my loved ones, while the one reprimanding my character cannot feel a single ounce of empathy for a person being destroyed by a robotic system of trial. A system of trial that instead of proving guilt will throw out all evidence innocence and send me to the factory and sort out beads for the rest of my organic existence. What’s the point of fighting this then?

                I need to look out for my posterity, each and every person after me, so that they do not encounter the same issue as I do. I will fight a broken system all on my own thinking. This was not programmed into my thoughts by a computer engineer but by experience. The most human of people were fighters, genuine people like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.; they fought for what they knew was right. They showed a love of enormous agape, they had never-ending empathy, and they fought for something more than themselves. Those same qualities that didn't make them a robot is what can also define others as human. I aspire to even be half as great as them but a robot doesn't even have the capability to aspire such things. They are programmed to do jobs and things in a repetitive manner as suggested by their coding.

                A simple look at medical records it is evident that that I am an organic organism born naturally from the same organic species of human. I feel betrayed by a system that throws out my rights and equivocates me to and inanimate object based off of what? Does this supposed man know of my past experiences, my interactions with others, my charitable actions of empathy, or even the emotion I feel? I must assure you that I don’t dream of “electric sheep.”

Feeling is the bold line between human and robot. A robot doesn't have an emotional feeling like humans do. The feelings of empathy, love, sadness, joy and anger make me human. I understand why a university wouldn't admit an android to their university. I don’t understand why this university won’t accept me and my fully capable sentient self.

What about in-class stuff, yo?

I get it blogs and our work at home has to mean something right?

What about the time invested inside the classroom?

 It's the same five or six people that participate the others sit around and do nothing. The same people I see who are constantly commended for their "EXCELLENT" work on their blog are the ones snapchatting, texting, talking our doing some other useless thing that doesn't pertain to the in-class agenda. A blog that isn't reviewed nor given feedback to me is useless. Whereas an argument in class where I can see the opposing side's argument is much more influential and valuable. Enough with comparing each other's blogs and focus on what really matters the actual discussion in the FUCKING classroom. Where is the bracket for in-class discussion? I feel like I might make it to the Final Four.

Ozymandias

A poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Title

The name Ozymandias has the meaning of a great ruler that once lived. A ruler who once instilled much fear into his enemies. A ruler who was also deemed successful. This seemingly extravagant name fits with the meaning. 

Paraphrasing 

The author places the reader in a desert in front of this huge statue that fell over. The author also explained the features of this enormous sculpture and their significance. The sneer of this ruthless leader,but was kind enough to take care of his people. Then there is an interjection, placed by Shelley, from this king, Ozymandias. He roars his, mighty accomplishments and how awesome he is. Then the author pulls the reader back as he pans out and the view of the desert once again becomes clear to the reader. 

Connotation

Pedestal: the statue was literally on a pedestal, but as royalty so was Ozymandias. He most likely lived a lifestyle of lavishness and jaded decadence. 

Decay: the statue was falling apart therefore it was in a state of decay, but this word has a more negative connotation as it is after Ozymandias's period of rule and his entire empire is in a state of decay and is not remembered.

Attitude

The authors attitude toward this piece at a glance is eulogistic, in the sense that it reminisces on Ozymandias. After reading it a couple times it is clear that the author didn't intend the reader to take this from the piece but one of short-mind. The author sees the successes of this ruler as a thing of the past in the vast expanses of this hot and sandy wasteland of history. 

Shift

The initial part of the story focuses on the qualities of the king and how he was a mighty man of boastful talent and chilling ruthlessness. Ozymandias then becomes just rubble in the Egyptian desert.

As the other implies that this reign was so long ago that its accomplishments mean nothing. 

Title

The title is is just a portrayal of something that used to be, something that used to be grand, something that used to be historic. The authors use of Ozymandias is ironic, because the author describes the excellent qualities of Ramees II (Ozymandias) then proceeds to marginalize him.

Theme
Even if tremendous accomplishments were made in the past it is okay to disregard them and focus on the future.

Tobermory Appin

 "If he was trying German irregular verbs on the poor beast," said Clovis, "he deserved all he got."

This line in respect to the text shows how much people can be against new discovery. Tobermory in many respects was like the monster in Frankenstein, his presence was surely unwelcome. Then the guest wanted this talking cat ousted by poisoning his food. Tobermory did die but not at the hands of the people that wanted to kill him similarly to the monster. 

When a bad day turns worse.

It was hot
Sat in gum
Work was stressful
Rejected and waitlisted from two schools in a two hour period.
My mind won't stop moving
I am done.
Done with everything
I try but all I get is nothing.
Sometimes life can be hard
But sometimes its too hard.
I don't want to do anything anymore.
I just want to get away.
From all that is deemed successful.
Why?
Why me?
Why try anymore?
Who am I?
What more do I need?
What more can I do?
School is hard and mentally degrading.
I swear I am going to have PTSD of my days in school.
Shattered dreams.
Shattered Hopes
I sit here in a computer lit room and wonder.
Can it get any worse?
Can I feel any more worthless and unfulfilled.
I feel like a disappointment.
Not good enough
A product of my own inequities.
This is stupid.
I could punch a wall to relieve frustration but it leaves me with nothing other than a broken hand and more anger.
It was foolish to think that a school like Berkeley would want me.
I am not special
I don't stand out.

From a planet in the middle of nowhere... (ART PROJECT 1)

I decided on this piece of art because it looked cool and easy. It ended up looking cool but it was definitely difficult. I chose to political articles and Egyptian art as the medium for this mosaic. It was important for me to pick things that clearly define the things of Earth, politics and art. Both are prevalent in most culture and still exists today. They can be highly controversial unlike a storm trooper. A storm trooper is a soldier dictated by right and wrong and takes orders. Notice how a storm trooper is only black and white because it clearly defines right and wrong. Politics are blue, red, and every color in between. Art is a mosh pit of color finding harmony or contrasting with the pigment juxtaposed with it. Both have no place near a storm trooper. Our problems don't mean anything in the greater aspect of the universe but as a collective race we make things like presidential races out to be things that are life or death; and in this case the existence of our race or not. Kill the stormtrooper of art and politics and focus on the few planets in the background and utilize the whole picture to solve the problems at hand concerning our future.